Infant son

I was on overnight Anesthesia labor floor call on Saturday... a bustling, happy place usually. The words "code blue newborn" echoed overhead about 2am. I was already running. My pager was bleeping and vibrating in that tone reserved for the worst of emergencies. He was perfectly perfect at the moment of birth, a little extra encouragement needed to cry. Something wasn't quite right though, the team working diligently, ultimately a heart not perfectly formed. The curious thing was, in between epidurals & C-sections that day, I had been searching, cataloging & practicing the empathic phrases palliative care physicians tend to use when speaking with dying patients and their families. There are words that resonate & "carefully-crafted" sentences that tend to reach more deeply than others. I never imagined I would be using them with distraught and grief-stricken parents. 

~~Lullaby~~

What I wouldn't give
To have you in my arms again,
Breathe your scent
And snuggle close to you.
I want to watch you sleep,
See your chest rise and fall
In peaceful slumber.
Let me lay my hand
Over your heart,
So I can
Feel it beating
Beneath my touch.
I want to be
Lulled to sleep
By its rhythm.
~~ by Tara Simms 

We do not remember days; We remember moments.
~~ Cesare Pavese